1.     One of the best things we can do for our children is to demonstrate how much we love each other as their Dad and Mom.

God says:

“Husbands love your wife as Christ loves the church and gave Himself for her”

“Wives respect your husbands”

2.     When we provoke our kids or hassle, inflame, aggravate, annoy and exasperate them, we are hindering many aspects of their growth.

God says:

“Father’s, do not provoke your children by coming down hard on them”

3.     We need to be welcoming our kids to come close to us and not be pushing them away like they are a hassle or an interruption in our lives.

Jesus said:

“Let the little children come close to me and don’t stop them!”

4.     Parents need to be examples of what it is like to be a great listener.

God says:

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry”

5.     Generosity is usually caught not taught.  The example of a giving  parent often results in children that are generous and like to share with others.

God says:

“Good will come to him who gives generously and lends freely”

Have a great week as you begin to ask God to help you be the parent He wants you to be!

Karen

Often parents wonder if their kids are hearing anything they are saying to them…and with reason.

Here are a few clues to help let you know if they are hearing you.

1) If they leave their ear buds in and do not make eye contact with you as you are speaking, assume they are not listening.

2) If you ask them to repeat back what you just said and they mumble, assume you’ve just wasted your breath.

3) If they are sending an email or facebook message while you are talking to them, assume that you will be repeating what you just said shortly.

4) If five minutes after you’ve given them instructions they ask how to do that exact thing, assume they did not hear you!

I heard a woman talking in the bank telling a lady in line that she is all ‘up’ with her teens technology. She said she knew all about MP3 players and was going to buy herself an I-P-O-D (she spelled it as if that is how everyone refers to it!! JJ) SO…

Here some tips on how to bridge the gap so that you may be heard more by your kids.

1) Learn their lingo…don’t use words like ghetto blaster, trousers, sneakers, tapes/records, streaked hair, rouge, knickers, or say things like  hanky-panky, necking, neato, that’s the pits, super-duper, spiffy, indeed, flabbergasted, good gravy etc….cream rinse vs. conditioner; flat iron vs. straightener; Walkman/Discman vs. mp3 player/ipod….

2) Teach by example.  Be fully present when they are talking to you…not multi-tasking. Repeat back to them what you think you just heard them say. (Don’t assume anything)  Make eye contact with them as they talk. Don’t interrupt.  Try to not overreact, no matter what they are saying.

3) Tell them how much you love it when they talk to you.

4) Try to frequently make opportunities for communication to take place between you. ( I always found that at night just before our teens went to sleep they seemed to want to talk the most)

5) Ask God to help you be a better listener.

Keep lovin’ your kids by listening to them…both the spoken and unspoken words!

Karen

Now you know!

Kids Get First Cell Phone at Age 8

Anti-socialism in females leads to depression

Bond with Mom helps kids make friends.

Teens Who Volunteer Give More As Adults

Have you ever been in a grocery store and witnessed the following scene?

The child is sitting in the cart whining for the Mom to buy her a candy or toy.  The Mom starts by saying ‘No’  but as the child’s volume increases and the ‘hissy-fit’ progresses to a new level, you see the Mom losing her resolve to continue refusing her request.  By the time they are finished shopping the child has what she wants…she wins!  She has learned a lesson that she will use over and over again…If she whines and fusses and loudly nags a bit more, she will get her way. She has proven the point that Mom’s ‘No’ does not really mean ‘No’!

Parents, if you are giving in regularly to your children’s bugging and pestering to get their way when they are three, I fear for what the teen years are going to be like for you down the road!!  Be consistent!  I know that it is so much easier to just give in, but for the life and love of your children be strong.  Let them know at an early age that your ‘NO’ means ‘NO’!

It is so important that children learn the boundaries at a young age. If the ‘fences’ are continually being permitted to be broken through,  later they will likely not respect others’ boundaries as well, and may wind up having difficulties in their classrooms, sports teams, relationships and jobs!  Parents must build this foundation for them and teach them what it means to submit to directives while they are still teachable.  It is a great disservice to your kids to be inconsistent with them.

For these reasons, please choose to either say ‘Yes’ more frequently than ‘No’, or be willing to stick to your resolve when you have to say ‘No’ with your children.

Karen

P.S. Please know that as a parent myself I am speaking out of a measure of regret and share this with you as a caution not to make the same mistakes I  occasionally did with our children!

If you are the parent of small children it is probable that you would like a break from answering their ‘why’ questions!… “Why can’t I stand on the counter?” “Why is my pee yellow?” “Why do I have to eat vegetables?” and on and on it goes. It can be so exasperating!

As they get older, those queries become more complicated and it should lead us to ask ourselves seriously the question of why we want them to do or not to do something. The issues that seem to suddenly become such big deals, with teens especially, really don’t need to get to this point.

I remember a lesson that I learned one day when we were expecting company for dinner. I was giving our three kids the “Behave yourselves, don’t fight with each other, use your manners” speech, when Jay said “Mom, is this just about your pride…we don’t have a perfect family, so why pretend that we do when we have visitors over?”

My first reaction was to get angry with him, but as I reflected on his words I said “Jay, you are right, to a point. But not all of this is about my pride. I also really want our guests to enjoy themselves and not be made to feel uncomfortable listening to you guys fight. Have you ever been at someone’s house when they are fighting? How did that make you feel?”

Jay then became so gentle and he said he understood where I was coming from.

I think of all the other questions we were asked and how it pushed us to do lots of praying and thoughtfully considering our answers. Thankfully, God started to work on the ‘whys’ in US…. “Why are we really not allowing him to go there, why are we concerned about those baggy pants with his underwear showing, why should we make a big deal about his messy room, why should dreads bother us, why don’t we want them all to sleep in the back yard, why am I bothered about how much make-up she is wearing?” …and so on.

We soon discovered that many times the primary reason for our answer was our concern was about what others would think of us as parents if we allowed our kids to do certain things…it had nothing to do with morality!  Following this realization, we decided that our pride was not going to be the basis of our decisions made in regards to answering our kids ‘why’ questions.

Karen