I was waiting in a Dr’s office the other day and was appalled at what I witnessed. A mom walked in with a toddler and a boy around 4 years of age. The toddler started to scream almost immediately and the mother did nothing to try to stop her…this continued the whole time they were there.

The little boy came over to the coffee table and began pitching every magazine until all of them were completely a mess and several were on the floor. When the Mom saw what he had done she came over and with frustration said “Danny, look at the work you have made for Mommy”!! He walked away and began to play elsewhere and the Mom, with screaming girl in tow, began to clean up all the magazines. I, along with the lady beside me, helped her to get it done quickly but my thought was this “Why are we doing this”? This is teaching that boy nothing except that he does not have to worry about consequences to his actions…he will assume that someone else will always be there to bail him out”!

Dads and Moms who give their children freedom to express themselves without restraint or believe that disciplining children is out of the question are setting their kids up for failure.

My husband and I know a family that had a house rule that said that the parents were never to say “No” to their children. So when one of the boys smeared his feces over the window screen, headlights of the car and side of the garage, the only thing the Mom had to say was “Oh, I always knew he was going to be our creative one” and proceeded to clean up the mess he had ‘created’!! Would it surprise you to know that that same boy has frequently been in and out of juvenile detention centres and now has major struggles in his life as an adult?

My prayer is that as parents we teach our children well that their actions do have consequences and that they are responsible for the choices that they make!

Love,

Karen

Have you ever looked closely at spider webs? They are really amazing! Apparently the varieties include spiral, tangle, funnel, tubular, sheet and dome or tent webs. What a beautiful thing to see…until you see a fly or wasp fighting for its life being caught in one!

In the Bible, in the book of Job 8:13-15 it says:

“Such is the destiny of all who forget God; so perishes the hope of the Godless. What he trusts in is fragile, what he relies on is a spider web. He leans on his web, but it gives way; he clings to it but it does not hold.”

I have been thinking a lot this week about what parents are teaching their kids to ‘lean’ on. Are they basing their parenting on what Oprah or Dr. Phil says, or something solid like the Word of God?

Sometimes, unknowingly, parents are setting their kids up to lean in to things that will give way… they teach them that in order to be truly successful they must be well educated, rich, attractive and/or athletic. So much of this is what I am calling spider-web mythology!

Not unlike leaning into spider webs, trusting solely in these things can lead kids to repeatedly fall as they lean in to things that can be void of kingdom value and that could pull them far from God and leave them feeling hopeless and without purpose.

I am praying that you will trust in something solid to guide and support the manner in which you parent your precious kids! Christ’s teachings are just that!

Love,

Karen

I once asked my friend’s little girl to tell me what Mommy acted like when she was angry.  She proceeded to make faces, put her hands on her hips and let out this strange growling sound. I did this so I could share it with her Mom as a joke, but I learned a lesson through it myself.

If my own kids were asked to describe me on a ‘bad’ day, what would others hear them say? It brought some clarity to my mind of what my children were witnessing in their Mommy…and what they might bring into their families some day; stuff they would carry with them into their parenting life.

This is my wish list!

I’d be excited if they said that their Mom loved Jesus more than anything else.

I would want them to describe me as a Mom who always loved them and forgave them, no matter what.

I’d hope they’d always remember that they were prayed for many times every day.

It would thrill me if they described me as a Mom who loved their Dad deeply.

But what could the list possibly look like for some of us as parents?

“My Mom/Dad cared more about my messy room than how I was feeling”

“I felt like I could never please them no matter how hard I tried”

“As long as I looked good in front of others, she/he was happy with me”

“My Dad/Mom doesn’t know me because he/she is too busy to spend time with me”

A desirable description is what I long for! If your kids were asked, what do you think they would say about you, Dad and Mom?

God’s best to you this week as you journey through life with your kids!

Love, Karen

Have you ever heard your teen say to you “Why are you tweakin’ on me”? I have, and I learned that it means ‘snapping’ or ‘throwing a fit’! Sometimes, do you find yourself acting just like a hormonal teenager when you are dealing with them?

As I have been thinking about this, I came up with a list of some of the things that drives them to the point of ‘tweaking’.  Hopefully this will help us have an improved understanding of their actions and reactions.

• Fear
• Being sleep deprived
• Allergies
• Problems with friends/relationships
• Feeling constantly controlled by parents
• Too much on their plate
• Unresolved issues with parents (unforgiveness)
• Frequent exposure to or in relationship with violent, negative or aggressive friends, movies/music/t.v.
• Guilt/Struggles with sinful habits
• Parents expectations too high

Helping them avoid getting to the point of ‘tweaking’ can be as simple as asking our kid’s questions like “Do I need to ask you for forgiveness for something”? or “I know this is a busy time for you , so can I help by doing something for you”? or “Have you done something that is making you feel bad that you want to talk with us about”? or “How much sleep did you get last night”? etc.

The need to be right all the time is a factor that some parents deal with as well.  Before you get to the point of ‘tweaking’ yourself, be sure you are taking the Christ-like way, humbling yourself and choosing to calmly communicate rather than bulldoze your way with them to prove your point or make them mind!:)

Praying you have a ‘tweak-free’ week!

Karen

When it comes to our kids having great manners,the first place to start is with you…Are you setting a good example as a parent? Do you always say ‘please’ when asking others for something and ‘thank you’ when you are given anything or they do something for you? Are you consistently being polite when in public and at home?  It’s unfair to expect good manners from your children if his parents are not polite themselves.

Start using words and phrases like ‘excuse me,’ ‘I’m sorry,’ and ‘may I?’ as early as possible around your child. Encourage your child to do the same. Children mimic what they hear!

One of the most important offenses with kids when it comes to manners that some parents overlook is interrupting. Make it very clear to your children that this is not polite…teach them to rest their hand on your arm to let you know they need to talk to you after you are finished your conversation with another person. Place your hand over their hand so they know that you are acknowledging their need to talk to you BUT do not allow them to keep saying “excuse me, EXCUSE ME”…that is still interrupting! As is them banging on your leg, or arm or hitting you! Teach them well. It will endear them to others throughout their lives.

Avoid ignoring bad behavior or waiting to talk about it. Address a rule as soon as your child breaks it. (But avoid making it embarrassing to them in front of others)

Bring up the behavior again in private so you can discuss it more thoroughly and make sure your child understands how to behave in the future.

Remember, our expectations of our children should not exceed the habits we are living out in front of them. In other words, model the behaviors you wish to see in them.

Have a great week Dad’s and Mom’s!
Karen