How long has it been,  Parents,  since you had a ‘good’ fight with your kids? 11Timothy 4:7 says “..I have fought the good fight”, but have you?
For years I believed that, we,  as a family,  should never fight. I no longer believe that. As I have learned more about myself I realize that my reason for believing that was because I personally did not like confrontation, so rather than face that I avoided it as much as possible.
But I am discovering that a ‘good’ fight is such great learning tool that we can use to teach our kids. But if we are bully’s, control freaks or ‘need to be right’ types, this likely will not work.
When we kindly confront and ’speak the truth in love’ and show concern for the child, then it will have such a impact on them. Allowing them to express their anger, hurt and/or frustration while giving them freedom to vent their emotions helps them believe that we want what’s best for them. To really be hearing them and trying to understand will have a huge positive impact as well…
Love,
Karen

As a mom of two young boys I constantly think about what things they are being exposed to, what things I should shelter them from, and what I have no control over.  The media all around from billboards to TV commercials to magazine covers right next to the M&M’s at the grocery store all expose my boys to more than I would like, but I can’ t change that.  That is the world we live in.  I don’t have to invite it into my home, but I can’t lock my children up either.

As a former teacher I get asked the question quite often as to whether or not I am going to home-school my children.  While like many others I am not completely satisfied with the education system, my answer is always, “NO, I just want to be mom.”  I will be greatly involved as a parent at the school, but I want my children to be exposed to others and learn to navigate through this life for themselves.

Since the birth of our first son, my husband and I have talked often about what we will allow our babies to be exposed to.  Our goal as parents is raise godly children who are able to discern right from wrong, and be productive members of society, positively affecting those around them.  I think the main conclusion we have come up with over and over is to seek God for wisdom in what we allow them to see and listen to, and talk to them about everything.

 I have to admit from time to time I want to completely shelter my boys and move to a remote island, but I know the day will come when they will have to leave the nest.  When that day does come I want them to be prepared to face all the things of this world.  I want them to know how to navigate through this life using Christ as their guide.  I believe the only way I can do that is to allow them to see this world for what it is.

I am not saying that I will let my two year to listen to Little Wayne and watch Nightmare on Elm Street so that he will understand that is part of the world.  I will  have to discern for my children what is age appropriate media for them to take in, but I probably won’t shuffle them out of the room during too many “adult conversations.” 

I have been extremely fortunate.  While I am far from a perfect person, I have dodged many of the lessons others have to learn from themselves.  I don’t drink, didn’t have sex before I married, stayed out of trouble in high school, have never tried a cigarette nor any type of drug.  I credit this to my parents.

Growing up my parents never made me leave the room when there was an “adult conversation.”  I heard the details of my uncle’s drug problem which he still battles today.  I remember being four years old and playing on the front porch while my mom was inside my uncle’s house convincing him to throw his drugs down the toilet.  When we were on our way home she and I discussed why we were there and what had taken place.

At 5 when I heard the women of my family discussing their periods I was totally confused because I didn’t understand what they were talking about.  I only knew a period to be something that goes at the end of a sentence.  The next day when I asked my mom what they were talking she explained it to me truthfully.  At five years old we had our birds and the bees talk and I remember it like it was yesterday.  Not many people can say that.

I have always appreciated that my parents told me the truth.  They never made me leave the room when they were having a conversation with other adults.  I got to see and hear the ugly details and they privately discussed the events with me as well.  I think me being able to see from an early age the hurts that adults I knew and loved were going through made me want to avoid those same struggles as I grew up.  I knew these adults to be good people who faced struggles, as I still had the innocence of a child, and I wanted to do what I could to choose a different path for my life.

My parents also discussed the media that I was exposed to growing up.  We discussed the movies I watched, the magazine covers I saw, and the music I listened to.  In one sense I was sheltered from much media as they taught me the value of not filling your head with junk, but the unavoidable things they discussed with me.  As I matured they allowed me to make decisions for myself about what I allowed in and I often went back to them to discuss how I made the right or wrong decision.

This is what I want with my children.  While they are young I will have to ask God for wisdom to discern what to expose them to, but I will always tell them the truth.  I will always be open about how choices effect people and do my best to teach them how to make the right choice for themselves.

What conversations are you having with your children?  Do you have adult conversations with them?  Do you answer their questions?  How can you begin to talk to them more than you already are?  An most importantly are you asking God for wisdom?

Sarah Brown

www.flipflopparenting.com

When you fly you listen to the flight attendants go over the safety procedures.  Without fail when it comes to the part where they discuss what to do if the oxygen masks come down, they tell us to put on our own mask first before trying to help any others.  As a mom this can sometimes seem kind of backwards because we naturally want to take care of our children first.  But the truth is we can’t help them if we don’t take care of ourselves first.

As we try to raise respectful, successful children who devote their lives to Christ we must remember to put on our own mask first.  This means taking care of our health, devoting time to ourselves, maintaining an atmosphere of romance in our marriages, and most importantly spending time with God.

Today so many moms get it backwards.  We easily slip into devoting our lives to our children, taking them to playgroups, then music class, later to sports practice and the list goes on and on.  In the hustle and bustle of life it is hard to find time for ourselves. 

 As a stay-at-home-mom with a 2 year old and an 8 month old at home I have recently found myself devoting all of my time and attention to their needs forgetting about my own.  In the process I found myself more irritable, worn out, and just lacking true passion for anything.  My wonderful husband quickly brought it to my attention in a loving manner and gave me some time to devote to myself.  I quickly got my passion back for even the littlest things in life and I have made a plan for allowing me more time for myself.  My energy and love for my children has grown as well.

This weekend is Mother’s Day so I challenge you to take some time for yourself and think about how you are taking care of YOU.  Are you wearing your oxygen mask before you attempt to put your children’s on?  Are you taking care of your health, keeping romance alive, and spending time with God?  Start with God and allow Him to give you creativity for the rest.

Sarah Brown

When my distraught 15 year old daughter came home to tell me that her best friend was pregnant, my carefully planned and worded “sex talks” went out the window.  It especially changed when my 10 year old son queried…”I thought only married people were supposed to have babies??” Read the rest of this entry »

As I was driving home from my parent’s home recently, I drove by a truck dealership that was called ‘Big Boys Toys’!

It made me smile because just a couple of days earlier a woman sarcastically had said to me “Men are just boys with bigger toys.” This may be true of some guys, but not all. And, as I am slowly beginning to learn, the purchasing of these ‘big toys’ is often a symptom of something far more significant than what only a surface look leads us to believe about that person.

     You see, it took a long time as a parent for me to understand that I need to spend a whole lot less time focusing on the ‘fruit’ (our kids bad actions, wrong behaviors, poor choices etc.) and much more on the ‘root’ (insecurity, fears, pride, unforgiveness, abuse etc.)

     As I began to learn this, it started to change how I reacted and how I prayed for them…I was even praying ‘wrong’, if there is such a thing!:) Now I ask God to reveal to them the underlying reason for their choices, for the root of their bad attitude, the hidden source of their sinful actions, the origin of their negative outlook etc.

     God is teaching me that although this is a wonderful parenting tool, it is also very good for me too!!! Asking myself “Where in the world did that come from?” when I am saying or doing something unChristlike, helps me to work on the ‘root’ not just the ‘fruit’!

    So, in dealing with your kids actions and attitudes, in your own life or the next time you see ‘Big Boys’ (or ‘Big Girls’, for that matter) with their big wish list or their big toys, be reminded that there is likely some underlying reason other than them just needing to have the biggest and the best of everything

…don’t just look at the ‘fruit’ look for the ‘root’!:)

     Love,

     Karen