As I was driving home the other day I noticed a house that had the best icicles on it that I have ever seen. You know the kind that are so sparklingly huge, lovely to look at and are all different shapes? As I continued driving I thought that that is cool to look at on somebody else’s house, but I would not want to own it. The fact that those big icicles are there usually means that the eaves troughs are not functional or non-existent or that the roof is poorly insulated. Sometimes what appears to be a beautiful thing has underlying ‘ugliness’.
When we were teens growing up we sometimes heard the phrase “Pretty is as pretty does” when we were getting complimented on our appearance. It kind of bugged me at the time but it was a good lesson in humility and helped us to understand that we needed to work on our character more than our looks and outward appearance.
Sometimes as parents we want so much for our kids to ‘make us proud’ we are willing to accept them appearing to have it all together in public rather than pushing them to be real, God-fearing and moral-living kids from the inside out, wherever they are! It is FAR more important that we teach them to live their lives devoted to God and loving and serving others than to be popular, liked and accepted at any cost. Remember what the Bible teaches “People look on the outward appearance, but God looks on our hearts”
As our daughter and I were watching Anne of Green Gables yet another time, the nursery rhyme “Row, row, row your boat” came to mind in a comment that was made in regards to parenting…it got me thinking…
Sometimes we forget that there are two of us given the responsibility of parenting our kids, not just one of us! We need to remember that we both need to be picking up those ‘oars’ and working hard to balance our kids’ ‘life boats’ every day. We need to be sharing responsibilities evenly and taking in to consideration the other parents views and ideas as well.
I will admit that this is an area that I have failed on many levels. Because I stayed at home with our kids I felt like I knew them better and just ‘knew best’. I know that this has been a disservice to our kids and I have regrets for this.
If you are a younger parent than I, please consider how important it is for your children to learn from both of you and have input from both Dad AND Mom, in their formative years.
When just one of you is constantly doing all the ‘rowing’ it can cause burn-out, resentment and confusion in your kids. They even may be feeling like their boats are a little tippy at times when they seem to be always driven in one direction by just one parent.
SO…start sharing the rowing with your partner. It will make this parenting trip so much easier…and you won’t just keep going in circles!
I was out with a friend recently who said that when she was young she made a vow that she would never be like her Mom who ‘tip-toed’ around her husband to make sure he was happy so he would not blow up.
Are you the kind of parent that when you enter the door of your home your spouse and family feel like they have to change how they are acting or what they are doing to appease you or ensure your comfort for fear of a blow-up or negative discussions ensuing? Ask yourself what you think your kids may make vows about as a result of your actions or attitudes in your home. What behaviors are they going to want to carry on as they move towards becoming a parent themselves? How much of Jesus are they seeing in your daily habits?
Think about the things that your parents did when you were a child. Which one of their behaviors or actions have you mimicked now that you have children?
Do everything you can to avoid being the one who pushes your spouse and family to feel they have to tip-toe like they are on eggshells when you are around. Have fun, loosen up, don’t take life so seriously and give the control over to God…your and your family’s life will be then filled with happy memories that will last a lifetime!
Remember that your time with your kids is very short but you will leave lasting impressions in their minds…make them good ones!
I was at a wedding last summer when I realized how much I needed to deal with my struggle with being judgmental towards others. As we were waiting for the ceremony to begin, a man stood up at the back of the church and made a call on his cell phone just as the wedding party began walking down the aisle. He continued to chat on the phone the entire time the party walked down the aisle and during the whole ceremony.
As this took place my mind filled with thoughts like “Why is that man being SO rude”? and “Why can he just not wait and make the call after the ceremony is over”? and “WHAT A JERK” was one of my less pleasant thoughts of that afternoon. I was plain mad at him…ticked off, to say the least!
Later that evening we were sitting at the table with the Mother and Father of the groom and the man mentioned how sad it was that his Mom was so sick that she could not attend the wedding. Then he added how grateful he was, however, that his youngest brother had got on his cell phone and took her through every part of what was happening, verbally, so she could at least feel like she was a little involved in her granddaughter’s wedding day!!!
I felt like a big SCHMUCK!!! I confessed my sinful attitude to God and thanked Him for teaching me such a great lesson.
As I thought of this in the context of parenting, I thought about how often I have jumped to conclusions, when it has come to my kids, with situations we have been through with them. How often I chose to think that they were already guilty before they had a chance to be ‘proven’ innocent!
Parents, ask God to remind you that your kids are ‘innocent until proven guilty’. The next time they are accused or ‘caught’ in an offense, give them a chance to tell their side and/or defend themselves before you come to any conclusions. This will build such a bond with you and your children if they know that they are not only being listened to, but also heard by you!
Our daughter was at Wonderland last week and had a great day, with one exception. She said she found it so disturbing how abusive some parents were to their little kids. Some were yelling and swearing at their kids and others were pushing them and yanking them like they were animals.
It always amazes me how some parents think that this behavior is okay because they are the ‘authority’ in their children’s lives. Being a parent, in their minds, somehow gives people permission to overstep God’s laws.
You may not slap your kids around or yell at them constantly but do you spend lots of time with them? Do they get your undivided, fully present attention every day at some point? Neglect, emotional coldness, lack of interest in their lives, withholding affection etc with our kids is just as wrong as physical abuse.
The Ten Commandments are not just Ten Suggestions! Some people seem to stop there and don’t realize that we are not to just follow what God asks us to do, but we are also told to avoid doing what we should NOT do as well!… And then we need to lead our kids in doing the same thing.
We are told in the Bible to “Not compare ourselves among ourselves” but to compare ourselves to GOD’S standards for life…and we need to get to the place as a parents where we realize that we CANNOT do this on our own but only by asking God to help us do this daily!
