As a mom of two young boys I constantly think about what things they are being exposed to, what things I should shelter them from, and what I have no control over.  The media all around from billboards to TV commercials to magazine covers right next to the M&M’s at the grocery store all expose my boys to more than I would like, but I can’ t change that.  That is the world we live in.  I don’t have to invite it into my home, but I can’t lock my children up either.

As a former teacher I get asked the question quite often as to whether or not I am going to home-school my children.  While like many others I am not completely satisfied with the education system, my answer is always, “NO, I just want to be mom.”  I will be greatly involved as a parent at the school, but I want my children to be exposed to others and learn to navigate through this life for themselves.

Since the birth of our first son, my husband and I have talked often about what we will allow our babies to be exposed to.  Our goal as parents is raise godly children who are able to discern right from wrong, and be productive members of society, positively affecting those around them.  I think the main conclusion we have come up with over and over is to seek God for wisdom in what we allow them to see and listen to, and talk to them about everything.

 I have to admit from time to time I want to completely shelter my boys and move to a remote island, but I know the day will come when they will have to leave the nest.  When that day does come I want them to be prepared to face all the things of this world.  I want them to know how to navigate through this life using Christ as their guide.  I believe the only way I can do that is to allow them to see this world for what it is.

I am not saying that I will let my two year to listen to Little Wayne and watch Nightmare on Elm Street so that he will understand that is part of the world.  I will  have to discern for my children what is age appropriate media for them to take in, but I probably won’t shuffle them out of the room during too many “adult conversations.” 

I have been extremely fortunate.  While I am far from a perfect person, I have dodged many of the lessons others have to learn from themselves.  I don’t drink, didn’t have sex before I married, stayed out of trouble in high school, have never tried a cigarette nor any type of drug.  I credit this to my parents.

Growing up my parents never made me leave the room when there was an “adult conversation.”  I heard the details of my uncle’s drug problem which he still battles today.  I remember being four years old and playing on the front porch while my mom was inside my uncle’s house convincing him to throw his drugs down the toilet.  When we were on our way home she and I discussed why we were there and what had taken place.

At 5 when I heard the women of my family discussing their periods I was totally confused because I didn’t understand what they were talking about.  I only knew a period to be something that goes at the end of a sentence.  The next day when I asked my mom what they were talking she explained it to me truthfully.  At five years old we had our birds and the bees talk and I remember it like it was yesterday.  Not many people can say that.

I have always appreciated that my parents told me the truth.  They never made me leave the room when they were having a conversation with other adults.  I got to see and hear the ugly details and they privately discussed the events with me as well.  I think me being able to see from an early age the hurts that adults I knew and loved were going through made me want to avoid those same struggles as I grew up.  I knew these adults to be good people who faced struggles, as I still had the innocence of a child, and I wanted to do what I could to choose a different path for my life.

My parents also discussed the media that I was exposed to growing up.  We discussed the movies I watched, the magazine covers I saw, and the music I listened to.  In one sense I was sheltered from much media as they taught me the value of not filling your head with junk, but the unavoidable things they discussed with me.  As I matured they allowed me to make decisions for myself about what I allowed in and I often went back to them to discuss how I made the right or wrong decision.

This is what I want with my children.  While they are young I will have to ask God for wisdom to discern what to expose them to, but I will always tell them the truth.  I will always be open about how choices effect people and do my best to teach them how to make the right choice for themselves.

What conversations are you having with your children?  Do you have adult conversations with them?  Do you answer their questions?  How can you begin to talk to them more than you already are?  An most importantly are you asking God for wisdom?

Sarah Brown

www.flipflopparenting.com

When you fly you listen to the flight attendants go over the safety procedures.  Without fail when it comes to the part where they discuss what to do if the oxygen masks come down, they tell us to put on our own mask first before trying to help any others.  As a mom this can sometimes seem kind of backwards because we naturally want to take care of our children first.  But the truth is we can’t help them if we don’t take care of ourselves first.

As we try to raise respectful, successful children who devote their lives to Christ we must remember to put on our own mask first.  This means taking care of our health, devoting time to ourselves, maintaining an atmosphere of romance in our marriages, and most importantly spending time with God.

Today so many moms get it backwards.  We easily slip into devoting our lives to our children, taking them to playgroups, then music class, later to sports practice and the list goes on and on.  In the hustle and bustle of life it is hard to find time for ourselves. 

 As a stay-at-home-mom with a 2 year old and an 8 month old at home I have recently found myself devoting all of my time and attention to their needs forgetting about my own.  In the process I found myself more irritable, worn out, and just lacking true passion for anything.  My wonderful husband quickly brought it to my attention in a loving manner and gave me some time to devote to myself.  I quickly got my passion back for even the littlest things in life and I have made a plan for allowing me more time for myself.  My energy and love for my children has grown as well.

This weekend is Mother’s Day so I challenge you to take some time for yourself and think about how you are taking care of YOU.  Are you wearing your oxygen mask before you attempt to put your children’s on?  Are you taking care of your health, keeping romance alive, and spending time with God?  Start with God and allow Him to give you creativity for the rest.

Sarah Brown

I was out with a friend recently who said that when she was young she made a vow that she would never be like her Mom who ‘tip-toed’ around her husband to make sure he was happy so he would not blow up.

Are you the kind of parent that when you enter the door of your home your spouse and family feel like they have to change how they are acting or what they are doing to appease you or ensure your comfort for fear of a blow-up or negative discussions ensuing?  Ask yourself what you think your kids may make vows about as a result of your actions or attitudes in your home. What behaviors are they going to want to carry on as they move towards becoming a parent themselves? How much of Jesus are they seeing in your daily habits?

Think about the things that your parents did when you were a child. Which one of their behaviors or actions have you mimicked now that you have children?

Do everything you can to avoid being the one who pushes your spouse and family to feel they have to tip-toe like they are on eggshells when you are around. Have fun, loosen up, don’t take life so seriously and give the control over to God…your and your family’s life will be then filled with happy memories that will last a lifetime!

Remember that your time with your kids is very short but you will leave lasting impressions in their minds…make them good ones!

Love,

Karen

Our daughter was at Wonderland last week and had a great day, with one exception. She said she found it so disturbing how abusive some parents were to their little kids. Some were yelling and swearing at their kids and others were pushing them and yanking them like they were animals.

It always amazes me how some parents think that this behavior is okay because they are the ‘authority’ in their children’s lives. Being a parent, in their minds, somehow gives people permission to overstep God’s laws.

You may not slap your kids around or yell at them constantly but do you spend lots of time with them? Do they get your undivided, fully present attention every day at some point? Neglect, emotional coldness, lack of interest in their lives, withholding affection etc with our kids is just as wrong as physical abuse.

The Ten Commandments are not just Ten Suggestions! Some people seem to stop there and don’t realize that we are not to just follow what God asks us to do, but we are also told to avoid doing what we should NOT do as well!…  And then we need to lead our kids in doing the same thing.

We are told in the Bible to “Not compare ourselves among ourselves” but to compare ourselves to GOD’S standards for life…and we need to get to the place as a parents where we realize that we CANNOT do this on our own but only by asking God to help us do this daily!

Have a wonderful week loving your family!

Love,

Karen

Recently I was on a road in Elmira that was, by far, the worst Canadian road I have ever driven on. Without exaggerating there must have been 40 or 50 patches in the pavement in one block of road!! It was crazy trying to drive on it!

As I maneuvered the bumps and dips in the road I thought of how parents tend to do this sometimes in their kids’ lives. Instead of getting to the bottom of the issues we tend to fill the ‘potholes’ rather than address the deeper root of the problem at hand.

One example that brought this to mind came from a conversation I had with a Mom recently. She avoids confrontation at all cost, so instead of sitting down and talking with them, when her kids are angry with her or in a bad  mood, she will cook them their favorite food or take them out shopping and buy them whatever they want!!

Another example is when a child had climbed up on the counter and ate food he was told not to have, but instead of disciplining the child, the Mom said “Oh, that was my fault, I should have known not to leave his favorite pie on the counter”.

There also is this one Dad we know who refuses to correct his child or address his destructive behaviors. This poor child is disliked almost everywhere he goes because his Dad is constantly covering up for him or ignoring his unruly actions altogether!!

Parents, please hear me on this one…. It is no help to your children to ‘fill the potholes’ in their lives instead of asking questions, taking the time to talk with your kids- teaching them the right way to live!  Care enough to confront!

When you avoid working with them through their issues and do not address them, you are contributing to more struggles and greater pain later in their lives! Down the road there likely won’t be anyone there who will be willing to ignore, ‘fill in’ or cover up their messes for them…how, then, will they cope with life?

Love,

Karen

Ps…do it now!  Don’t wait until it looks like this!