The Bible teaches us that “The love of money is the root of all kinds of evil”…I agree totally! But for kids, who aren’t really much into loving money yet, there is something else that seems to be at the root of their ‘evil’ ways, and that is boredom!

Bored kids are often badly behaved kids. If you have ever been a teacher or involved with groups of children for a period of time you will have observed that the kids who are bored tend to be the instigators of unruly behavior!

When our son was young, he did very well in school and would finish his work before the other kids did. Then he’d begin to distract the others and get into trouble. The teachers were very wise and partnered him with a boy who needed extra help.  As much as Jay did not like this much at the time, according to the boy’s Mom, it made a huge impact on her sons’ life, not only scholastically but also in building his confidence significantly! It also helped Jay to stay focused and get into less trouble in classroom.

I understand that some parents push their kids to become involved in too many activities, but it is good to keep them busy as much as possible without overdoing it.

Are your kids misbehaving regularly?  Then maybe you need to consider regularly giving them a simple chore to do at home and an activity to involve them in that they would enjoy and would avoid the ‘boredom=bad behavior’ phase of their lives!

Love,

Karen

When it comes to our kids having great manners,the first place to start is with you…Are you setting a good example as a parent? Do you always say ‘please’ when asking others for something and ‘thank you’ when you are given anything or they do something for you? Are you consistently being polite when in public and at home?  It’s unfair to expect good manners from your children if his parents are not polite themselves.

Start using words and phrases like ‘excuse me,’ ‘I’m sorry,’ and ‘may I?’ as early as possible around your child. Encourage your child to do the same. Children mimic what they hear!

One of the most important offenses with kids when it comes to manners that some parents overlook is interrupting. Make it very clear to your children that this is not polite…teach them to rest their hand on your arm to let you know they need to talk to you after you are finished your conversation with another person. Place your hand over their hand so they know that you are acknowledging their need to talk to you BUT do not allow them to keep saying “excuse me, EXCUSE ME”…that is still interrupting! As is them banging on your leg, or arm or hitting you! Teach them well. It will endear them to others throughout their lives.

Avoid ignoring bad behavior or waiting to talk about it. Address a rule as soon as your child breaks it. (But avoid making it embarrassing to them in front of others)

Bring up the behavior again in private so you can discuss it more thoroughly and make sure your child understands how to behave in the future.

Remember, our expectations of our children should not exceed the habits we are living out in front of them. In other words, model the behaviors you wish to see in them.

Have a great week Dad’s and Mom’s!
Karen

If you are the parent of small children it is probable that you would like a break from answering their ‘why’ questions!… “Why can’t I stand on the counter?” “Why is my pee yellow?” “Why do I have to eat vegetables?” and on and on it goes. It can be so exasperating!

As they get older, those queries become more complicated and it should lead us to ask ourselves seriously the question of why we want them to do or not to do something. The issues that seem to suddenly become such big deals, with teens especially, really don’t need to get to this point.

I remember a lesson that I learned one day when we were expecting company for dinner. I was giving our three kids the “Behave yourselves, don’t fight with each other, use your manners” speech, when Jay said “Mom, is this just about your pride…we don’t have a perfect family, so why pretend that we do when we have visitors over?”

My first reaction was to get angry with him, but as I reflected on his words I said “Jay, you are right, to a point. But not all of this is about my pride. I also really want our guests to enjoy themselves and not be made to feel uncomfortable listening to you guys fight. Have you ever been at someone’s house when they are fighting? How did that make you feel?”

Jay then became so gentle and he said he understood where I was coming from.

I think of all the other questions we were asked and how it pushed us to do lots of praying and thoughtfully considering our answers. Thankfully, God started to work on the ‘whys’ in US…. “Why are we really not allowing him to go there, why are we concerned about those baggy pants with his underwear showing, why should we make a big deal about his messy room, why should dreads bother us, why don’t we want them all to sleep in the back yard, why am I bothered about how much make-up she is wearing?” …and so on.

We soon discovered that many times the primary reason for our answer was our concern was about what others would think of us as parents if we allowed our kids to do certain things…it had nothing to do with morality!  Following this realization, we decided that our pride was not going to be the basis of our decisions made in regards to answering our kids ‘why’ questions.

Karen

There seems to be an assumption, with some adults, that most teens are focused on their own comfort and have little concerns for the wants and needs of others. Although this is sometimes the case, I believe that for some young people, ‘the apple does not fall far from the tree’!

Parents, our children’s behaviors and attitudes are often a reflection of our own. Are they mirroring our way of treating those in the service industries; sales clerks, waitresses, nurses etc? How demanding do they see us? What do they see in us when we are cut off in traffic or tailgated? How do we behave when our spouse displeases us or does not get something done as soon as we would like them to?

The Bible tells us, “Train up a child in the way that he should go and when he is old he will not walk away from that.” Is our training and example to them worthy of them learning it well? Will it help lead them to a place of joy and contentment or will they always be in search of new ways of making others be responsible for their happiness?

Our life is an open book to our kids. Let’s hope that they are reading something in us that is worthwhile…we might just be amazed to see their focus begin to change!

Karen

Trust!

There was a book circulating around several years back called “Emotions…can you trust them?”

I’d like to see one today entitled “Parents…can you trust them?!!”

I have hung around and worked with teens for over 20 years and it surprises me how many adults look down on them and talk so negatively about them.  In many cases you don’t have to look much further than their home addresses to see why they are behaving the way they are!

I believe that we would see a turn around with the youth of today if the following areas were considered seriously by adults. Parents need to be:

A)  Trustworthy
B)  Trusting God
C)  Trusting our kids

Do your kids trust you?  Have you given them reason to believe that you are dependable, that you keep your promises and that you are trying to be living examples to them of what you are teaching them?

How much do you try to control your kid’s lives?  Do you constantly worry about them?  Have you been passing on your own fears and insecurities to them? OR, do they see you giving them over to God’s care and trusting Him to do His work in their lives?!!

What do you do to let your teens know that you trust them?  Giving them the freedom to build your trust is so important. ( i.e. lending them the car, going away over night and leaving them at home, extending curfew, letting them have their own password on the computer etc.) It’s vitally important to let your children know that their good behavior builds your trust in them and that it CAN be restored!

So parents…can you be trusted?  It’s the question that each of your kids is silently asking every day.

Karen