As a mom of two young boys I constantly think about what things they are being exposed to, what things I should shelter them from, and what I have no control over.  The media all around from billboards to TV commercials to magazine covers right next to the M&M’s at the grocery store all expose my boys to more than I would like, but I can’ t change that.  That is the world we live in.  I don’t have to invite it into my home, but I can’t lock my children up either.

As a former teacher I get asked the question quite often as to whether or not I am going to home-school my children.  While like many others I am not completely satisfied with the education system, my answer is always, “NO, I just want to be mom.”  I will be greatly involved as a parent at the school, but I want my children to be exposed to others and learn to navigate through this life for themselves.

Since the birth of our first son, my husband and I have talked often about what we will allow our babies to be exposed to.  Our goal as parents is raise godly children who are able to discern right from wrong, and be productive members of society, positively affecting those around them.  I think the main conclusion we have come up with over and over is to seek God for wisdom in what we allow them to see and listen to, and talk to them about everything.

 I have to admit from time to time I want to completely shelter my boys and move to a remote island, but I know the day will come when they will have to leave the nest.  When that day does come I want them to be prepared to face all the things of this world.  I want them to know how to navigate through this life using Christ as their guide.  I believe the only way I can do that is to allow them to see this world for what it is.

I am not saying that I will let my two year to listen to Little Wayne and watch Nightmare on Elm Street so that he will understand that is part of the world.  I will  have to discern for my children what is age appropriate media for them to take in, but I probably won’t shuffle them out of the room during too many “adult conversations.” 

I have been extremely fortunate.  While I am far from a perfect person, I have dodged many of the lessons others have to learn from themselves.  I don’t drink, didn’t have sex before I married, stayed out of trouble in high school, have never tried a cigarette nor any type of drug.  I credit this to my parents.

Growing up my parents never made me leave the room when there was an “adult conversation.”  I heard the details of my uncle’s drug problem which he still battles today.  I remember being four years old and playing on the front porch while my mom was inside my uncle’s house convincing him to throw his drugs down the toilet.  When we were on our way home she and I discussed why we were there and what had taken place.

At 5 when I heard the women of my family discussing their periods I was totally confused because I didn’t understand what they were talking about.  I only knew a period to be something that goes at the end of a sentence.  The next day when I asked my mom what they were talking she explained it to me truthfully.  At five years old we had our birds and the bees talk and I remember it like it was yesterday.  Not many people can say that.

I have always appreciated that my parents told me the truth.  They never made me leave the room when they were having a conversation with other adults.  I got to see and hear the ugly details and they privately discussed the events with me as well.  I think me being able to see from an early age the hurts that adults I knew and loved were going through made me want to avoid those same struggles as I grew up.  I knew these adults to be good people who faced struggles, as I still had the innocence of a child, and I wanted to do what I could to choose a different path for my life.

My parents also discussed the media that I was exposed to growing up.  We discussed the movies I watched, the magazine covers I saw, and the music I listened to.  In one sense I was sheltered from much media as they taught me the value of not filling your head with junk, but the unavoidable things they discussed with me.  As I matured they allowed me to make decisions for myself about what I allowed in and I often went back to them to discuss how I made the right or wrong decision.

This is what I want with my children.  While they are young I will have to ask God for wisdom to discern what to expose them to, but I will always tell them the truth.  I will always be open about how choices effect people and do my best to teach them how to make the right choice for themselves.

What conversations are you having with your children?  Do you have adult conversations with them?  Do you answer their questions?  How can you begin to talk to them more than you already are?  An most importantly are you asking God for wisdom?

Sarah Brown

www.flipflopparenting.com

As our daughter and I were watching Anne of Green Gables yet another time, the nursery rhyme “Row, row, row your boat” came to mind in a comment that was made in regards to parenting…it got me thinking…

Sometimes we forget that there are two of us given the responsibility of parenting our kids, not just one of us! We need to remember that we both need to be picking up those ‘oars’ and working hard to balance our kids’ ‘life boats’ every day. We need to be sharing responsibilities evenly and taking in to consideration the other parents views and ideas as well.

I will admit that this is an area that I have failed  on many levels. Because I stayed at home with our kids I felt like I knew them better and just ‘knew best’.  I know that this has been a disservice to our kids and I have regrets for this.

If you are a younger parent than I, please consider how important it is for your children to learn from both of you and have input from both Dad AND Mom, in their formative years.

When just one of you is constantly doing all the ‘rowing’ it can cause burn-out, resentment and confusion in your kids.  They even may be feeling like their boats are a little tippy at times when they seem to be always driven in one direction by just one parent.

SO…start sharing the rowing with your partner. It will make this parenting trip so much easier…and you won’t just keep going in circles!

Love, Karen

Have you ever been to a live production and were amazed by the lead role’s ability to memorize a ton of lines, act smoothly and appear so calm?…Now imagine the guy who lowers the curtain and cleans up backstage coming out and trying to fill that role.  It would be a disaster, for sure!

     As I thought of this in the context of parenting, I began to realize that sometimes we try to take the place of the Lead Role (God) with our kids. We teach them to become dependant on us and not on God. Do we sometimes act like we have the answers and that as long as we are available, God is just needed for ‘emergencies’ only or as their back-up plan?

     If we are in a habit ourselves of living for God and always including Him in all that we do, our kids will see this. They will learn by our example that “…apart from Him, we can do NOTHING”.

     The next time your child comes to you with a hurt, disappointment or disaster, remember to pray with them first before you give your own wisdom and insight. Teach them that God cares even about the smallest details of their lives.

     Have a great week!

     Love,

     Karen

Often parents wonder if their kids are hearing anything they are saying to them…and with reason.

Here are a few clues to help let you know if they are hearing you.

1) If they leave their ear buds in and do not make eye contact with you as you are speaking, assume they are not listening.

2) If you ask them to repeat back what you just said and they mumble, assume you’ve just wasted your breath.

3) If they are sending an email or facebook message while you are talking to them, assume that you will be repeating what you just said shortly.

4) If five minutes after you’ve given them instructions they ask how to do that exact thing, assume they did not hear you!

I heard a woman talking in the bank telling a lady in line that she is all ‘up’ with her teens technology. She said she knew all about MP3 players and was going to buy herself an I-P-O-D (she spelled it as if that is how everyone refers to it!! JJ) SO…

Here some tips on how to bridge the gap so that you may be heard more by your kids.

1) Learn their lingo…don’t use words like ghetto blaster, trousers, sneakers, tapes/records, streaked hair, rouge, knickers, or say things like  hanky-panky, necking, neato, that’s the pits, super-duper, spiffy, indeed, flabbergasted, good gravy etc….cream rinse vs. conditioner; flat iron vs. straightener; Walkman/Discman vs. mp3 player/ipod….

2) Teach by example.  Be fully present when they are talking to you…not multi-tasking. Repeat back to them what you think you just heard them say. (Don’t assume anything)  Make eye contact with them as they talk. Don’t interrupt.  Try to not overreact, no matter what they are saying.

3) Tell them how much you love it when they talk to you.

4) Try to frequently make opportunities for communication to take place between you. ( I always found that at night just before our teens went to sleep they seemed to want to talk the most)

5) Ask God to help you be a better listener.

Keep lovin’ your kids by listening to them…both the spoken and unspoken words!

Karen

Have you ever been in a grocery store and witnessed the following scene?

The child is sitting in the cart whining for the Mom to buy her a candy or toy.  The Mom starts by saying ‘No’  but as the child’s volume increases and the ‘hissy-fit’ progresses to a new level, you see the Mom losing her resolve to continue refusing her request.  By the time they are finished shopping the child has what she wants…she wins!  She has learned a lesson that she will use over and over again…If she whines and fusses and loudly nags a bit more, she will get her way. She has proven the point that Mom’s ‘No’ does not really mean ‘No’!

Parents, if you are giving in regularly to your children’s bugging and pestering to get their way when they are three, I fear for what the teen years are going to be like for you down the road!!  Be consistent!  I know that it is so much easier to just give in, but for the life and love of your children be strong.  Let them know at an early age that your ‘NO’ means ‘NO’!

It is so important that children learn the boundaries at a young age. If the ‘fences’ are continually being permitted to be broken through,  later they will likely not respect others’ boundaries as well, and may wind up having difficulties in their classrooms, sports teams, relationships and jobs!  Parents must build this foundation for them and teach them what it means to submit to directives while they are still teachable.  It is a great disservice to your kids to be inconsistent with them.

For these reasons, please choose to either say ‘Yes’ more frequently than ‘No’, or be willing to stick to your resolve when you have to say ‘No’ with your children.

Karen

P.S. Please know that as a parent myself I am speaking out of a measure of regret and share this with you as a caution not to make the same mistakes I  occasionally did with our children!